What “Bless Your Heart” Really Means
As a lover of sayings and irony, “Bless your heart” has a special place in my, well, heart. For those of you not familiar with this Southern icon, here’s what “Bless your heart” really means.
Deciphering “Bless Your Heart”
“Bless Your Heart” Definition
The most fascinating aspect of “bless your heart” or even “bless your little heart” is that it doesn’t have a single definition. Definitions can run the gamut of “You poor, oblivious idiot” to “I hate you” to “b*tch.” What is almost always true is that it’s not a compliment.
It can be pitying, disgusted, or angry, but it is almost never a compliment. When it is a compliment, it’s usually a bit condescending. Kinda like, “Aw. How cute!” Talking about a puppy, that’s a compliment. Used on an adult, it’s pretty condescending.
What a complicated phrase! You actually have to know the person pretty well to have a more exact translation of their meaning. If someone uses it on you, though, generally, assume it’s an insult. Yes, even if a sweet old lady said it (possibly especially).
“Bless Your Heart” Irony
There’s so much irony involved in this one phrase. First off, it seems to be a well-mannered, polite comment, so if someone isn’t aware of its actual definition, there’s dramatic irony because they’re being insulted, and they’re the only ones who don’t know. An irony that Southern people greatly enjoy, especially when the recipients are from the North (where, on top of other rivalries, there’s a bit of a stereotype that Southern people are slow and not very bright).
Of course, I have to think there’s also a third level of irony because in the South, most people know the definition. So you might as well come right out and say what you’re thinking, right? About the only benefit to using the phrase in earshot of the people you’re insulting is that they don’t know exactly what insult you would’ve said. Or perhaps being able to uphold the facade of manners while venting your spleen.
Except – maybe – that people don’t get to fight back quite like they would with the full insult. There’s a bit of a “pretend it means what the words said” with this phrase. Like it’s bad manners to call the person on it. That said, there are no guarantees on that, which might be why it’s commonly used out of the recipient’s hearing.
A Real Life Example (Story Time!)
A few years ago, some friends and I went out for some barbecue in Kentucky (which, in fact, ended up a perfect back-drop). One of my friends is a preacher, and while we were eating, she recognized another preacher and his wife who happened to come into the same restaurant. We started talking, and it turns out the couple had recently moved to the area from further North due to his work. As they discuss the move and the new church, the wife mentioned how nice everyone had been and mentioned the phrase “Bless Your Heart.” She honestly believed it was a sweet, even religious sentiment, and she was so happy about it she bought some furnishings for her home that had the phrase on it.
Cue speaking glances between me and my friends (Who’s going to tell her? – You do it. – We have to tell her.). It ended up a somewhat group effort, but we did, with especially careful wording, explain that the phrase doesn’t mean what she thought it meant. To her surprise and dismay. I thought she and her husband took it pretty well, actually, but oh, remembering back to the moment when we realized she not only didn’t know but was taking it as a sign of piety, I can’t help but laugh. The South got her good.
Using “Bless Your Heart” in Writing
Now that you know what “Bless your heart” really means, you can use it to add a bit of South to characters and dialogue. Just remember…
- Use it sparingly. Yes, it’s a common enough phrase, but that doesn’t mean that everyone uses it all the time just because they’re in the South.
- Make sure it matches the character of the person using it. South or not, lot of people don’t bother with “good manners” when angry. They’ll go right for the insult. Characters who value manners highly, want the inside joke with their companions, or think they’re pulling one over on you are more likely to use it.
- Condescension is key. Delivery also matters with this phrase. It’s a bit of a grand, Southern lady casting aspersions to someone much lower in the social strata. Even if that isn’t the setup, you wouldn’t know it from the attitude.
That’s it. Enjoy adding a bit of Southern flavor to your writing, and don’t forget to share results. Especially don’t forget to share stories if you have your own experience with “Bless Your Heart.” 😋
